Love notes, parking tickets, classes canceled

I thought that the snow day yesterday was the greatest blessing I would witness this week in my life from God, but I was wrong. I had several today that left me astounded at how much He loves me and is mindful of me. Not that I didn't know that, I was just suprised at the varied ways it was manifest today.

First off, can I just say how much I love my job? I love my kids SO MUCH!! They bring me so much joy to be able to interact with them every day, to learn from them, to feel of the joy and excitement for life in it's simpliest (and best, in my opinion) form. This week has been an emotional one to say the least (for many reasons I won't go into right now) and I was feeling that today at work. Children are so close to Heavenly Father at this young age, I feel they can sense things: sense when you are needing extra love and comfort. All day long my kids showered me with 'I love you's' and 'you are the best teacher in the WORLD!' which kept me smiling and reminded me that God is ever mindful of me and was showing me through my kids. My favorite tangible reminder I received today I carried in my pocket the rest of the day was from Carmen, one of my students. Sometimes she will ask to see my name badge so she can use it to see the letters in my name to write them down. She asked if she could see it and a few minutes later she came up to me with this:

She quickly apologized for the tear on the first letter of my name. (she had torn it out of a notebook in the writing center) She is so sweet. I carried it around in my pocket the rest of the day.

Then later in the afternoon, I headed up to campus to class. I park in a covered parking lot on campus rather than buy a parking pass since I am only there 2 afternoon/evenings a week. I got a ticket on tuesday because I couldn't get the last of my dollars to stay in the pay machine-aparently it was too wrinkly) and I was running late to class and decided to take a chance that I would run out of time a few minutes early and that they wouldn't be monitoring it as closely. (I didn't know what else to do) Anyway, I didn't make it-I was 15 mins off and I got a $15 dollar ticket. Yikes. So, I was a little worried this time, and made sure I had a crisp bill to get into the maching lickity split! Well, I experienced a problem with the machine, it told me I had the wrong stall number and wouldn't let me process it and then it along with my 5 dollar bill, it spit out a 1 dollar bill. I happened to see an attendant checking permits as I was walking down the parking garage, so I went back and found him and told him my situation. He told me not to worry he would take care of it and put a warning ticket on my window that would cover my car from ticketing until 9 pm. I stood there astounded: unsure to believe he just said it. I thanked him, gave him the extra dollar that shot out and went on my way to class.

I got to class early and was getting settled and pulling out my assignment that were due when our professor came in and said 'Go home. Classes have been canceled."

News Release
***MEDIA ALERT***/January 31, 2008

EVENING CLASSES CANCELLED AT ALL

BOISE STATE UNIVERSITY LOCATIONS,

EFFECTIVE 5 P.M. FOR THURSDAY, JAN. 31

The president of the school had canceled the rest of the evening classes due to the storms that have been here in the 'banana belt'. (ha ha-that was a really good joke whoever told me that :) ) Again, I couldn't believe my ears. Not that I am so egotistical that I think the world revolves around me, just that it was very apparent Heavenly Father was mindful of me. Just when I thought I was walking alone, I was reminded I am not. Being in Utah near my family, I saw that all that time with them. My parents, sister, grandparents, aunts, uncles were always blessing my life in so many ways. That I was getting used to as a normal occurance-but, it seems to feel different when it comes from different sources outside of your immediate family-It puts the truth that we are all brothers and sisters in perspective. We are watching out for each other on a much grander scale as I witnessed today.

Snow day! and the Fourth Watch

I received a call this morning at about 5:10 am. It is a call that I had been praying for DAYS to receive! We have been experiencing an unusually large volume of snow, I am told, for the Boise area and have been hearing that maybe we would be getting a call early in the morning that school is closed for the day. Well, today was the day and it couldn't have come at a more perfect time. This just affirms what I already know: All happens in the Lord's time. I read a quote recently online that says “God may not always come when we ask Him, but He’ll always be on time.” -Alex Haley

For me this snow day is a huge blessing and reaffirmation that God knows me and is mindful of me in my challenges. I feel like I can breath now. In all of this, I keep thinking of the scriptural account in the new testament and of a talk I read by S. Michael Wilcox titled 'The Fourth Watch'. The part in his talk that keeps playing over in my head is when Brother Wilcox talks about how when we have challenges in our life and we feel like we have been left to struggle on our own (the the Lord feels like he is far away), the Lord is ALWAYS there. Sometimes we are left in what feels like the dark, so we can more fully appreciate the light when it comes.

The scriptural account it is based on is recorded in a few places, including Mark 6. Jesus has just fed the thousands with the loaves of bread and fishes and afterwards He sends his disciples out on the ship while he goes to pray. The seas become tumultuous and they were rowing and fighting against it.

Mark 6:

45..straightway he constrained his disciples to get into the ship, and to go to the other side before unto Bethsaida, while he sent away the people.
46 And when he had sent them away, he departed into a mountain to pray.
47 And when even was come, the ship was in the midst of the sea, and he alone on the land.
48 And he saw them toiling in rowing; for the wind was contrary unto them: and about the fourth watch of the night he cometh unto them...

Brother Wilcox goes on the explain the significance of the fourth watch, that the night is divided up into sections: the fourth watch is from 3 am to sunrise. The disciples had been toiling for most of the night on their own, I'm sure they were exhausted. I don't know much about the geographical terrain of Bethsaida and the area they were in, but Brother Wilcox explains it a little that adds greater power to those verses. From what he said, where Jesus stood to see the disciples 'toiling in rowing' was from up high on what sounds like a cliff and that He had been watching them for awhile before He came down to them.

I think of us in our lives, how we may feel we are left alone to toil and labor, thinking we have been abandoned to suffer through life's different challenges alone. Only to find we have been watched over the entire time, that we weren't alone. When we get to the end of our rope, where we think we can hold on no longer, and then some...He comes. In that fourth watch, to help us.

Today for me is that fourth watch.

For whatever reason we have those times to struggle through, to stretch us a little further, to chisel a little bit more of the natural man away-to keep us humble and close to our Heavenly Father. To remember who is the ONLY source of comfort and truth and can help us 'see' when we come out of a very dark night. Now, I am not saying that this has been the darkest time in my life that I have felt so alone, nor will it be the last-I am sure. But, it has been a trying time and I have come to 'Remember' (Mosiah 4-30) that all powerful truth that God is ever mindful of me, of all his children. (1 Nephi 11:17)

In conclusion of the chapter of the fourth watch, after Jesus comes to his disciples walking across the water after their long night, he tells them to be not afraid and you read of their response to what had happened.

50 For they all saw him, and were troubled. And immediately he talked with them, and saith unto them, Be of good cheer: it is I; be not afraid.
51 And he went up unto them into the ship; and the wind ceased: and they were sore amazed in themselves beyond measure, and wondered.

Today, I better understand how those disciples felt.

Just keep swimming

Well, it is finally the close of a very full day. As I swim in all my responsibilities right now, I wonder if I will make it out alive. I have been reminded of what a poor planner I am and how I need to improve that VERY quickly as I try to juggle a new school semester and end of the month paperwork, parent meetings, meetings, meetings and more meetings, lesson plans. My sanity depends on it.

I also found out this evening I need to be moved out of my room by friday (just to a different room in the same house) for our new roomate to move in. My roomate in the room I will be moving in to tried to leave a week ago, only to be detained by this crazy weather. (Yeah, someone told me that we live in the 'banana belt' of Idaho and that winters here in Boise aren't that bad. I have come to the conclusion that I have been bamboozled! :) It has not stopped snowing for days!!) We have had freeways closed, schools closed: apparently this isn't usual Boise weather although I am having a hard time believing it with the frigid temperatures and mounds of snow. Okay, I am through whining. :) (for the moment...somebody call the wambulance)

Even though in situations like this, where paralysis inevitably grips me with so many things to do I don't even know where to begin: I just keep swimming, as Dori counsels us in Finding Nemo. Dori and Nemo's father find themselves on a journey they weren't expecting to be on together, yet they perservered to the bitter end. Dori would occasionally sing along the way, "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming..." Today that is all I feel I can do.

Even though by my own strength I COULD NOT conquer all of it on my own: I am still able to see the Lord's hand in all of it. I have been kept safe from harm, I have been blessed to work with such a fabulous group of kids who bless my life every day, I have been blessed to find friends here who have been a source of great comfort (priceless), I have a fabulous family who supports me in all I endevour to do. The list goes on and on. There are many more ways that my life has been blessed, but I fear for my poor vision today in focusing on this pile, I might have missed some vital ones. I pray my vision will be clearer tomorrow. :)

Great quote

A friend e-mailed me this quote that I thought was very pertinent with the recent passing of President Hinckley. I had heard these words before, but I have yet to place them in a talk or anything from President Packer has said in the past, so I am unable to tell of it's veracity. Either way, it creates a powerful vision of that reunion that we will someday experience.

"You were generals in the War in Heaven and one day when you are in the spirit world, you will be enthralled by those you are associated with. You will ask someone in which time period they lived and you might hear,"I was with Moses when he parted the Red Sea," or "I helped built the pyramids'" or "I fought with Captain Moroni." And as you are standing there in amazement, someone will turn to you and ask you which of the prophets' time did you live in? And when you say "Gordon B. Hinkley" a hush will fall over every hall and corridor in Heaven, and all in attendance will bow at your presence. You were held back six thousand years because you were the most talented, most obedient, most courageous, and most righteous."

President Boyd K. Packer

We thank thee O God for a Prophet

I have recently heard of President Hinckley's passing about an hour ago. I have had a rollercoaster of emotions, but I am still in shock that he is gone. I am most happy for the reunion he had on the other side with all those who love him, including his cute little wife Marjorie who he has been aching to be with since her passing a few years ago. I am sad that I won't be able to hear from him in General Conference as in the past, and am anxious for the changes that will happen in the First Presidency. Although I am filled with all these emotions, I am filled with the reassurance that it is his time-this is the way God intended it to be. President Hinckley finished his course, he kept the faith. He knew why he was here. I know that he was a Prophet called of God. Just as I know this, I know that whomever the Lord calls to be the next President, is exactly who the He is supposed to be there. I know that God is at the helm of this work- leading, guiding and has been (and will continue to prepare) preparing whomever the Lord is calling next. I already know the Spirit will confirm that when he is called. What a blessing it is to know that, to be able to have that assurance.

"...the words which I had often heard my father speak..."

As I left class to go home from class this evening, I walked out of the math building to find a newly fallen blanket of snow. I love a new snowfall, as it seems to muffle the everyday sounds that tend to drown out your thoughts. Almost as if I feel closer to God-not so much background noise.

I got in my car and was pulling out of the parking garage. I pulled out and was preparing to stop at the first stoplight along my path home. As I was preparing to slow down, I remembered what my dad had taught me about shifting down (in an automatic transmission) gears to help you stop when the streets were in such a state as this- covered in snow, slushy not quite icy yet-to keep you from sliding. So, I started shifting down and made a BEAUTIFUL stop-slide free. I felt like I had better control of the speed and was able to control the car better in such conditions. I was filled with gratitude for this and many other lessons my father has taught me-preparing me for times such as these in my life. I thought of the scripture in the Book of Mormon where we have account of the prophet Enos' experience. I went to hunt beasts in the forests; and the words which I had often heard my father speak concerning eternal life, and the joy of the saints, sunk deep into my heart." Now, I know that being able to stop a car is a far cry in importance to that of eternal life, but the principle is the same: A teaching of our father's sunk deep in our hearts, and was manifest through a personal life experience. I am grateful for a fabulous father who taught me the gospel early in my infancy and showed me by his actions how to live it to the fullest-to find joy that surpasses all understanding. Although this is terribly inadequate an expression of gratitude for what you have done: Thanks Dad. :)

Math problem from yesterday

This was a math question from class yesterday. I thought it would be pretty simple, but it turned out to be more challenging than I thought.

Eric the Sheep

Eric the sheep is lining up to be shorn before the hot summer ahead. There are 200 sheep in front of him. Eric can’t be bothered waiting his turn, so he decides to sneak towards the front. Every time a sheep is shorn, Eric sneaks past two sheep in line. How many sheep will be shorn before Eric?

Any guesses on what the answer is?

Photo of the Day

My english professor from last semester joked about Boise snowmen: usually they don't get much snow that stays here so when you try to make a snow ball,you pick up leaves and dirt and all manner of things as you roll it around. I saw these lovely men the other day and had to go back and take a picture of them. Now you have all officially seen a Boise snowman. Count yourself blessed. :) (Read on for the official blog post for today below.)

Problem solving

Well, today has been a day of returning to the daily grind after a time on break. First day back to work after a holiday yesterday and first day back to school in a month! Everything went smoothly by divine intervention, of course. I was reminded that God is at the helm, even the smallest in simplest of tasks. Part of my job requirement with teaching is to observe and take notes on two children daily in the different areas of development (social/emotional, cognitive, physical, language) according to the their goals (which have been co-written with myself and the parents from parent conferences). Needless to say it can get a bit challenging in trying to teach AND take great anectodals in the process. Challenging...but not impossible!!! I say this with all sincerity that with God, ALL things are possible. (even anectodals) I had reviewed my notes on each child recently and realized I hadn't had many on a particular child (who shall remain nameless for privacy) so I had that in mind going throughout the day, in addition to the others that needed observing. We had gone to gym to play and this little boy that I needed the notes on came up to me and told me exactly what he had just done. Now, this may not seem like a big deal to most-but to me it was. I knew God had prepared the way for me to be able to accomplish what I needed to that day. The promises given us in the scriptures are true, even when applied in the most simpliest of forms such as this. I know every success I have experienced, the class group I have this year, my assistant teacher-everything-is a manifestation to me that God is mindful of me in EVERY detail. (Even down to where you can find a parking spot.)

I attended my first classes this evening and I am excited for the growth and understanding that will come. I have a sociology class and a math for teachers course this semester. I feel very fortunate to be in school and in these classes this semester, especially the math one. There are only 3 sections of this class open and there were at least 5 people there tonight that wanted to add the class, but were turned away. I left my math class feeling a bit frustrated, but excited. I know if I stick with it and do my part, I will be alright. I was reminded tonight in our lecture that truth is truth no matter where you find it and that the Spirit can tell you the truth of ALL things (2 Nephi 32:5). There was a quote from a man by the name of George Polya about problem solving. I think it can apply to any problem, not restricted to the language of math. I will leave you with his words to think about.

"Your problem may be modest; but if it
challenges your curiosity,
brings into play your inventive faculties, and
if you solve it by your own means,
you may experience the tension and
enjoy the triumph of discovery."

My decision to move to Boise

I was going over my past journal entries and found one I had written of my decision to move to Boise. Sadly, it wasn't written at the time I moved, but in retrospect a month later. I came upon it this morning and realized I hadn't finished writing down the complete experience, so I just tried to add what details I could remember. I have been reminded through this to record things of such important IMMEDIATELY after they happen!! :) Hopefully I can keep this fresh in my mind.

This is something extremely sacred to me, what I wrote. But, I feel it is for a good cause to post it here.

September 16, 2007
I was sitting in church today and realizing, repenting, of not keeping better record how the Lord has blessed me. Writing down those experiences is a way to show gratitude for how He has blessed you. I need to write a few things down now, while they are still fairly fresh in my mind. They are not as fresh as they could have been had I written them down closer to the actual events, which is something I will have to live with and make certain it doesn’t happen again.
Tomorrow I will hit the month mark for my move to Boise, Idaho. Time is an interesting concept as it feels as if it were only yesterday that I arrived here, yet, I feel like years have passed as so much has transpired since my arrival. I am writing this in hopes that I might always remember, remember what I felt in coming here and remember how the Lord has blessed me since. Remembering can be a powerful tool to help us not repeat mistakes we made in the past, or to keep in the forefront of our minds what is most important.

I came here to Boise back in June for my cousin’s wedding. There had been some other events that transpired prior to this trip that I won’t go into at this time in detail, but they had left me in a state of confusion and heartache indescribable with words. I had been unsure if I would attend the wedding with my parents because I had been crying and didn’t want to be a downer or any kind of distraction at their wedding. The night before, when I had gone to bed in tears, I decided that I wasn’t going to go and I would inform my parents in the morning of my decision. I would just stay home and have a nice relaxing weekend trying to get myself together. I arose in the morning, read my scriptures as usual, in my mind I was still deliberating on whether I should go. I have rarely felt such opposition in making a decision as I did that day. I don’t remember my decision to go on a mission ever being that conflicting to my soul or with such opposition. Looking back, I know that Satan was very aware of what was weighing on my trip that weekend and what decisions would be planted from me being in Idaho. I better understand a portion of what Joseph experienced and recorded in his life when he said “It seems though the adversary was aware, at a very early period of my life, that I was destined to prove a disturber and an annoyer of his kingdom; else why should the powers of darkness combine against me? Why the opposition (and persecution) that arose against me, almost in my infancy?” (JSH 1:20) I felt that Satan was very aware of the importance of me going to Boise and all that hinged on that decision. I was letting him have control somehow.

I informed my parents I wasn’t going to attend the wedding, that I didn’t want to be any kind of deterrent of happiness on Mike and Meagan’s wedding day. I still had my bags packed, as I was still riddled with unsure feelings of whether or not I should attend. I went back downstairs and sat on the bed, next to my bag-still packed to leave. My dad came quietly into the room and stood there for a moment. He then said in a small voice (I don’t remember the words exactly now) something to the effect that “You need to go. There is something important that is going to happen for you on this trip.” That is all he needed to say, as the Spirit confirmed that it was true. I said okay, and came upstairs with my things. On this trip is when I received the direction concerning my future. I found out about the number of refugees from war-torn countries that come here, coupled with migrant workers that are here-it filled me with excitement! While I was there, I had a really good, comfortable feeling there. So, when I returned home, I checked out the schools in the area, to see with all these refugees and workers if they had any bilingual/ESL programs. I checked Boise State University’s programs, and found they had one. They had a program that was Elementary Education-Bilingual/ESL. It had everything that I wanted! I was beginning to think the program for me did not exist, as I had been searching for years for the perfect one and hadn’t found it. Nothing ever felt completely right for one reason or another. This one did, so I applied and received word shortly after that I was accepted AND that they took all of my associate credits! Most places I checked, dissected all my classes and left me in digression in how far I had come. This one didn’t! I was so excited, and continued to push forward in making plans to move there: making appointment s with professors in my department, planning to come for orientation, etc. It was all falling into place, and feeling confirmation from the Holy Ghost that it was what I should be doing. When I was preparing to leave for Boise to attend the orientation meeting, I asked my father for a priesthood blessing. Heavenly Father, through my father, confirmed to me that the decision I had made was right and that I was to continue to push forward with the plans to move to Boise. This filled my heart to know-that those feelings I had had to up and make all these changes in my life were right-that God approved. It came at a very pivotal time in my life as well, where there was other turmoil in my life that I couldn’t understand and I was beginning to doubt that I understood how the Spirit spoke to me at all. This confirmed that I did, and that the Lord was ever mindful of me-in every detail. Of that I am forever grateful.

Kids say the funniest things!

One of my students said something to me yesterday that has continued to make me laugh as I reflect on it again and again. We had just eaten breakfast (in our program we provide breakfast and lunch for the kids) and afterwards we are all responsible to take care of our utensils and plates and to make sure our spot at the table is cleaned up. One of my students (who I will keep anonymous) who was sitting next to me had forgotten to clean up some crumbs and throw away her napkin, so I just reminded her she needed to take care of those things that were left. I showed her how she could sweep up the crumbs into her hand and carry them over to the garbage can, just showing her an easy way she could take care of it. She starts sweeping up the crumbs and she says "Ah! I feel just like Cinderella!" I said "Really? How come?" She said "Because I am always sweeping!" Usually I am able to control myself and not laugh out loud in front of the child and not hurt their feelings as most times they are not trying to do stand up comedy: but I couldn't help myself, and burst out laughing. She just looked at me and smiled: I hadn't shattered her. :) My days are filled with moments like this fill my life with joy. If you have no sense of humor, how do you live?! :)

Love of God

Well, after making a few fatal attempts to write something the past few days and then losing the information when I went to post it, I hope this one works. :) These last few days have been full ones, with work and other activities. We (my assistant teacher and I) had a file review yesterday with one of our supervisors. Basically we go through a few random files of students in our class and she checks if certain information is in them. In working for the government, you are asked to document everything to show them what you have been doing with their money. Which is understandable, but also makes it challenging at times to make sure everything is written down: their are forms for everything, down to a conversation. The government comes next year to do a file review of our whole program, so we are just making sure we are ready WAY in advance, which is good. We shall be prepared!! :) After saying all of this, it may seem that I might have been a little worried about it. I must admit when I was first hired for this job this year, I was worried about my abilities to accomplish all that was asked of me with this job. I was feeling a little doubtful of my abilities and overwhelmed with all the changes and life experiences I had experienced in my move here. Nevertheless, I felt that I was to take the job, so I did. I think that knowledge (that i was supposed to take the job) coupled with the confidence that I had been doing my best to accomplish all that was asked of me in my job: because of that, I knew that this file review, whatever the outcome was. It would be a learning experience. Our supervisor prefaced our review with the very comforting words that even though we have to go through all of this paperwork, what really matters most is what happens in the classroom and told us how pleased she was with what we were doing for the children. To make a long story short, it turned out to be a great experience that helped me put everything in perspective as to why we fill out certain forms and why it's so important to record certain information.

Turns out that the way they have done these reviews in the past has not been as extensive in detail and explanation to the teachers as they did this year. Coincidence? I think not!! :) I am a very visual learner and had they not done this review so hands on as we went through a file completely and were shown what information we needed, I don't think I would have understood what I needed to. As we were sitting in the file review, I had the thought several times that the Lord's hand was in this. Did God inspire the minds of the directors of this programs in the past to change the way they did things to be where they are now? Did God know that I would be making this move at this time in my life. I believe so. I KNOW so. I know that He loves us that much and has a very specific plan for us. I am grateful for the reminder of that yesterday. I know He does the same for all of us every day, it's amazing what we can 'see' when we take the time to look. I echo the words of Nephi: when he was asked if he knew of the condescension of God, he said "I know that he loveth his children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things." 1 Nephi 11: 17 No matter how confusing life can get, or how chaotic things may be, of this I am sure: God loves me, knows me, and has a specific plan for me. Of that I am sure. I'm grateful for reminders such as these that keep that fresh in my mind, and that God has granted me eyes to see his little wonders.

Pleasing unto God

I have started to read the Book of Mormon from the beginning again (along with where I already am in Mormon) to go along with the sunday school lessons. I was reading in 1 Nephi 6 this morning where Nephi explains a little about what he is recording on the plates that we read today. He says "Wherefore, the things which are pleasing unto the world I do not write, but the things which are pleasing unto God and unto those who are not of the world." He prefaces that verse with "For the fulness of my intent is that I may persuade men to come unto the God of Abraham, and the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob, and be saved."

It made me think of the record I keep in my journal and hear on this blog. I echo Nephi's words, that my purpose in keeping record is to help myself and whoever reads it to come closer to Christ, and to remember. Remember what really matters in this life, our objective and purpose. How easy it is to get caught up in the world and forget what matters most. We get so busy we forget why we are here. It matters very little what a man accomplishes in his life-if He has forgotten God-it means nothing.

(just a funny thing that happened today. I was driving to the store this morning and not far from my house on one of the busier roads there, I came upon traffic stopped far from the intersection up ahead. I soon realized they had all stopped for this train of Canadian geese!! It was an amazing sight! It was a very unique moment in time where time seemed to stand still. The geese didn't hurry across, the drivers who were hurrying along only seconds earlier were not honking their horns to get past. I was so enthralled with the situation, I forgot to at least take a picture with my phone. I did find one on the internet, so here it is.

Remembering...

I waited too late in the day to be writing this, as I feel my brain is like mush. Nevertheless, I will write up something however disjointed or bizarre it may all come out. Today has been a most productive day with work, laundry, etc. I received a nice suprise when I arrived home from a friend of mine I haven't seen in years! We have been communicating through e-mail over the years, but she has been busy in law school - passed the bar recently and has since resurfaced. We shared some great times together, including an incident I still laugh about to this day involving candy corn and the old brown toyota celeca-lovingly called the 'brown hornet'. She sent me a great CD from a local musician from where she is living now. It was a great CD and a great reminder of a big part of me-music. I love and appreciate many of forms of art that are out there in the visual and performing arts: music has a special place for me, that can move me as no other art form can. Why am I saying all of this? Well, I am grateful for my friend who sent me the CD, it was a great reminder of who I am-all that makes up who I am. It brought back a flood of memories of the time we (my friend and I spent together) and other pieces of my life-things I enjoyed to do that I haven't done in awhile. Receiving this CD was kind of like receiving a time capsule. It was a great reminder that has awakened a part of me I had laid dormant for awhile. I'm grateful for the reminder.

Decisions and Agency

Do you ever think about the impact of decisions you make? How much it can affect the rest of your life? I think of a story I heard President Gordon B. Hinckley share one time about the hinges of a gate.

"Have you ever looked at a farm gate that opens and closes? If you look at the hinge, it moves ever so little. Just a little movement of that hinge creates tremendous consequences out of the perimeter. That is the way it is with our lives. It is the little decisions that make the great differences in our lives." Gordon B. Hinckley

I have made some seemingly small decisions lately that I have felt guided to do, yet I find myself doubting that they were the right things to do. I am learning that I need to go with those feelings and own them. If I make a mistake in my decision making, sobeit. I have always been so scared to make decisions, that I experience paralysis and end up doing nothing. That is no way to live. God gives us our agency and at baptism, the gift of the Holy Ghost which we have to make decisions and to know if they are in alignment with His will or not. The decisions I have made are not the important part of this. The important part of this life lesson is that it helps me to draw that much closer to my Heavenly Father and that I am able to better understand what it feels like when the Spirit whispers to me God's will. That is the thing with the daily tutorials of life: they have a far deeper meaning and understanding that what lies on the surface and they are given by a loving Heavenly Father who knows exactly what we need to grow. For that I am grateful.

Being right with God

I am trying to be better at going to bed earlier, so I will have to be quick with this entry. :) I have finished a very eventful day, just finishing up my monthly newsletter for school which I should have finished before I even left for Christmas break....well, it is done now with plenty of days to spare in the month of January at least.

I just got off the phone with my sister a few minutes ago that gave me the final direction of what to write about today. We were discussing the events of her day, and eventful it was. With ten kids, you are bound to have a little excitement now and again. :) She is amazing, as always, at working through her own personal tutorials. As she shared some of the days events, the Spirit kept whispering understanding to my heart of how although it was a chaotic day, Heavenly Father was in every detail of it. I won't go into detail of the events as they are of little consequence to the lessons that were learned, just as the events in all of our daily lives vary in personalization to each of us. Exactly what WE need to grow and take us to a new level.

From this discussion with my sister coupled with an e-mail I sent off today I was reminded again of how God is in EVERY detail of our lives, but it is up to us to let Him be. Also that there are a lot of things of every day life that pull and tug us in every direction, but at the end of the day, what really matters most is that you are right with God. Everything else is of very little consequence in the grand scheme of things.

"Although God created all things and is the ruler of the universe, being omnipotent, omniscient, and omnipresent (through his Spirit), mankind has a special relationship to him that differentiates man from all other created things: man is literally God’s offspring, made in his image, whereas all other things are but the work of his hands." (Bible Dictionary, God)

"God that made the world and all things therein, seeing that he is Lord of heaven and earth, dwelleth not in temples made with hands;

Neither is worshipped with men’s hands, as though he needed any thing, seeing he giveth to all life, and breath , and all things;

And hath made of one blood all nations of men for to dwell on all the face of the earth, and hath determined the times before appointed, and the bounds of their habitation;

That they should seek the Lord, if haply they might feel after him, and find him, though he be not far from every one of us:

For in him we live, and move, and have our being; as certain also of your own poets have said, For we are also his offspring."

Acts 17:24-28

Words and Remembering

"The stroke of the whip maketh marks in the flesh:

but the stroke of the tongue breaketh the bones.”

Words are powerful things, that stroke of the tongue: they can lift the spirits to heights you never thought possible, or bring you down into depths of sorrow you never knew existed. Whether we realize it or not, the words we use affects those we say them to-bad and good. I learned that very important lesson from a little friend today at school. After I teach in the morning, I stay into the afternoon session for a few hours making phone calls and filling out paperwork. While I was there today, the afternoon teacher encountered a situation with a student. My little friend got mad at the assistant teacher for something (I couldn't ever get the whole story, just that he upset him) and said some pretty awful things to him in his anger. The words he used and where he learned them is a whole other story...let's just say they would have been appropriate for....well, to me it would never be appropriate to use those words, no matter HOW angry you are. When I sat down with him to help him figure out better words he could use and to talk about what he was feeling, and he told me what he had said-as he said those words to me just in re-telling, they were piercing. I can only imagine how his teacher must have felt who he said them to with such passion and meaning. I was reminded of how powerful they can be: WORDS. How many times we say things not realizing there implication on anyone but ourselves, how uplifting and sustaining or how damaging they can be. It's all in the way we choose, what we choose to allow to come out of our mouths. What does this have to do with how I have seen the hand of God in my life today? Well, in dealing with this situation in my daily tutorial my mind turned to how the Lord has blessed me to change things in me that I did not like-many characteristics of the 'natural man' that gratefully the Lord has continue to chisel away at until, one day, I pray, I will be the person God intends me to be. I see what the Lord has done with my life over the past 10 years and I am grateful that I can see his hand that has worked a mighty change in my heart and continues to do so.

These thoughts reminds me of the hymn, "Count your many blessings, name them one by one." I better understand the power in the counsel of Elder Eyring in keeping record of how the Lord has blessed us. "Count your many blessings, name them one by one...and it will suprise you what the Lord has done."

We need not let yesterday hold tomorrow hostage

I was just reading a talk by Elder Neal A. Maxwell this morning and wanted to post it for the day, something to think about. It is a talk he gave on discipleship, being a follower of Jesus Christ and living the principles we are taught in the restored gospel of Jesus Christ. What a blessing to know the source of all truth, that no matter what may happen to us in our mortal journey, we can have peace and understanding that no mortal can give. That is priceless, especially when trying to make sense of our personal daily tutorials.

Well, here it is. Elder Maxwell is talking about those we read of in the Book of Mormon who struggle to understanding the 'dealings of that God that created them.'

"Without gospel perspective in our lives, we just won't "get it" either. Special moments will come and go unused and unnoticed. How we manage those moments in daily life ends up either developing character or disintegrating character.
These moments of truth may be small, but they give us a chance to express character. Mercifully, when we make mistakes we can recover and learn from them by "faith unto repentance." We cannot, of course, relive a particular moment in our lives, but we can use it as a spiritual spur to remake ourselves. We need not let yesterday hold tomorrow hostage.
People always matter, of course, but the more I think about this interplay of immortal individuals and immortal principles, it is almost as though the particular tactical situation merely serves as a temporary, focal catalyst for what is really going on. Some other tactical situation might have served just as well. In any case, it is for each of us as immortals to make of these moments in daily life that which eternal principles would have us make of them.” (The Pathway of Discipleship, Neal A. Maxwell, January 4, 1998)

Things always work out

Well, it was back to work today after a long break. It was a very refreshing break, preparing me for a new semester and to teach full throttle for the rest of the year. My break was soooo good, I had a fight with my bed this morning-it won....for a few hours anyway. :) After enjoying a break from having to set my alarm for awhile, it was a struggle to do so over the past few days. I had my alarm set for 5 am again this morniing, only to quickly hit the snooze button. That is not unusual for me, but I usually only let it go maybe once or twice if I am really tired. I managed to bury my cellphone (which is my alarm) under my comforter in an attempt to not wake my roomate as I struggled to come alive, only to find myself waking up 2 HOURS later in a panic. I don't have students on Mondays, thank heavens, so I was only putting myself behind schedule in preparing for this week. I also woke up to a snow covered world-Boise doesn't usually get that much snow so it was quite an amazing sight. People drove a little bit more cautious than usual. I didn't get to work until 10 as I like to read my scriptures first thing in the morning. I find everything else falls into place when I do that.
It was a good day, although I felt like my head was in a fog from trying to get back on a my regular sleep schedule. As the day rolled on and more things kept piling up (big events coming up in the near future at work and school is starting soon) and a few other things weighing on my mind-decisions and things-I started to feel a bit overwhelmed, wondering how it would all work out. Mid-ulcer, the thought came into my mind-it will all work out, don't worry. All the worry washed away. I remembered the words of a quote my brother-in-law has posted on his blog from President Hinckley,

"When good men and women face challenges with optimism, things always work out! Despite how difficult circumstances my look at the moment, those who have faith and move forward with a happy spirit will find that things always work out."

I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing...

I hesitate to share some things on here sometimes as it is a new way of communicating my thoughts and feelings that are very personal and sacred to me, but I know it is for a wise purpose as I have felt inspired to do so. I know I already wrote for the day, but I keep feeling I should add another experience I had this morning that reminded me how God is ever mindful of me-of all of us-that He will provide the way for His children if He has commanded us to do something.
I got up this morning, a little groggy, to go and shower and read my scriptures. I walked into the bathroom and felt a flood of nausea wash over me and as I looked in the mirror, I saw that all the color had drained out of my face. I immediately dropped myself to the floor to as I started to feel faint as well. I layed down for awhile as I seemed to feel better being horizontal. As I was laying down, I offered up a prayer, asking God that if it be His will I go to church (as I don't like to miss church-miss the rejuvination of spirit and renewal of covenants with God) that He would prepare the way for me to go. I tried getting up on my feet to see how I felt, and the nausea was gone. I thought for sure I would spend the day praying to the porcelain as I had been exposed to some flu-type symptoms while on break, I just thought it was my turn. I was wrong-the nausea had vanished and I was able to get in the shower and get to church to renew my covenants. Life is full of our different responsibilities and priorities, pulling you in every direction. Obedience to God's laws is my first priority. I know that when we put God first, everything else falls into place. I am grateful for that reminder today.

Wow, I realized how many days have passed since I have last written. That is unusual for me to miss days in writing at least something. Alot has been going on since I returned back to Boise, so I will blame it on that. Christmas break was really emotional for me this year, but good. I feel rested and ready to face a new semester and life-whatever lies ahead. I was actually really excited on the plane ride here to be coming back (calling it 'home' doesn't seem to fit quite yet, but as I was our plane was flying into Boise, and I saw the city lights, I started to feel really excited and a smile crept across my face. So, that is saying something :) ) The first time I have felt really sincerely optimistic in awhile, where I didn't feel like I had to talk myself into it. Don't get me wrong, I have felt the Spirit testify to me many times that this is where I am supposed to be-feeling me with hope and assurance that Heavenly Father is ever mindful of me and I have a specific purpose here. In Boise AND in my time here on earth. For that knowledge I am ever grateful. I have been reading this talk by Elder Neal A. Maxwell (of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, who passed away in July of 2004) titled 'The Inexaustible Gospel" that he gave in 1992. It has been a invaluable reminder of what a precious gift we have, to have the restored gospel of Jesus Christ in our lives-in my life. Everytime I am blessed to catch a glimpse of the emensity and grandure, yet simplicity of God's truths-I am amazed. Asombro me da. There is so much to be felt and understood IF WE but see with our eyes and hear with our ears, not just our physical extremities-but most importantly our spiritual ones.



I will close with a quote from this talk by Elder Maxwell and a few pictures over Christmas break. I was able to get together with some of my dearest friends while I was home.



Elder Maxwell - "Truth includes, but is not limited to, knowledge that corresponds to reality--things as they were, things as they are, and things as they will be. Gospel truth is "morally richer," therefore, than the world's definition of truth, as Terry Warner has written. Jesus is "the way, the truth, and the life". He has "received a fulness of truth". Hence, we are to seek to have "the mind of Christ". Furthermore, as to the "manner" of people we are to become, it is clear we are to strive to become "even as" Jesus is. If we keep the commandments, the promise is that we will receive "truth and light" until we are "glorified in truth and knoweth all things."

Myself with my beautiful friends Christina and Shannon -and baby Keila with the big beautiful blue eyes. :)