Sunday December 30, 2007

Sunday was a great day, full of renewal of covenants and personal revelation. I am here staying with parents still for Christmas Break, for a few more days, so I was able to attend church with them again. I know that God exists, as I see His hand at work in my life. I recieved some direction for my life for some concerns I have had in my heart, that only God could know how to answer. I speedily wrote them down as they came, as I sat in church. Again, a reminder of how my Heavenly Father is mindful of me in all things. In all that is going on in the world with some of my brothers and sisters busy lives, He takes time to hear me. Little me, in this sea of people that exists in the world. He is mindful of ALL of us in that way, we matter that much to Him. I also was reminded how much God loves us, me in particular in this instance, (as I reflect on how He has touched MY life personally and my family's) by my family. I have the greatest family, that is so supportive of my decisions and my happiness, more that I feel I deserve at times. My parents know that I have been going through a lot of changes recently and some heartache where I have been struggling to find peace and understanding, and they have just been bending over backwards to try and make my time here with them full of joy and activities that will lift my spirits. (Holidays always seem to bring those heartaches to the surface more..not sure why) My sister and brother-in-law who live here, who has always been my advocates however hair-raising my ideas have been :), continue to support me and love me NO MATTER WHAT. I could just keep going down the list of family members and how they continue to support and love me. For all of this I am truly grateful and honored - reminded how the Lord is ever mindful of me in ALL things, in every detail of my life. That reminds me of some powerful words from Elder Neal A. Maxwell, who was an apostle, a special witness to the Lord Jesus Christ while he was here on the earth, which I will leave at the end of this entry. How blessed we are, and another reminder of how God is ever mindful of us, to call men here on the earth to be His mouthpieces, to give us direct revelation and guidance for these days! The questions should be changed to say 'Have I NOT seen the hand of God reaching out to me today?', as I struggle to find ways how he has not touched my existance today, everyday.


Elder Maxwell "So it is, amid the vastness of his
creations, God's shaping personalness is felt in the details
of our lives--not only in the details of the galaxies and
molecules but, much more importantly, in the details of
our own lives. Somehow, brothers and sisters, God is
providing these individual tutorials for us while, at the same
time, he is overseeing cosmic funerals and births--as one
earth passes away, so another is born (see Moses 1:38).
It is marvelous that he would attend to us so personally
in the midst of those cosmic duties."

Friday December 28

I wasn't able to get to the computer yesterday before my nieces and nephews went to bed. We arrived home late from a Christmas Party with my dad's side of the family. It was nice to see them, although I find myself nervous this Christmas time being with family-maybe because my life isn't exactly where I thought it would be 6 mnths ago. Things have changed quite drastically. Well, here is a thought for yesterday that I love. It is from a CES Fireside that Elder Oaks gave in November with his wife Kristin. She shared this quote from Elder Holland concerning missionaries and some of the frustrations they are facing. Very powerful words. I will write more again tonight.

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland...spoke about the price we must pay to return to Heavenly Father. His advice applies to anyone who is struggling to know and serve God. Many of the missionaries he addressed were frustrated, seeing little success, and wondering if their missions were of worth. They asked, “Why is this so hard? Why doesn’t it go better? Why can’t our success be more rapid? Why aren’t there more people joining the Church? It is the truth. . . . We trust in miracles. Why don’t people just flock to the [Church]? . . . Why isn’t it easier?”
Elder Holland replied: “I have thought about this a great deal. I offer this as my personal feeling. It is not Church doctrine. . . . I am convinced that missionary work is not easy because salvation is not a cheap experience.” (And I would add that a university experience or this life experience is not easy because it is not a cheap experience.) “Salvation never was easy. We are the Church of Jesus Christ, this is the truth, He is our Great Eternal Head. Why would we believe . . . that it would be easy for us when it was never, ever easy for Him? . . . How could we possibly bear any moving, lasting testimony of the Atonement if we have never known or felt anything of such an experience? As [members and] missionaries we are proud to say we are disciples of Christ—and we are. But mark my word. That means [we] must be prepared to walk something of the path He walked, to feel something of the pain He felt, to at least occasionally . . . shed one of the tears of sorrow that He shed” (The Atonement [address at seminar for new mission presidents, June 26, 2007], 8).

(Sister Oaks words) "Salvation is not a cheap experience, and we should remember that. Never let any trials stand between you and your allegiance to your Heavenly Father. Never let any insult or challenge separate you from partaking of the sacrament and lead you to spiritual weakness and possibly to a spiritual death. Hold fast, and remember what you know to be true. "

I have been reminded today of how God has been mindful of me, even when I am to blind to see it. For awhile now, I have been looking backwards at what I thought should have been, and as a consequence, I have been missing the whole world in front of me. I feel like I just woke up from a deep sleep. Not a physical sleep, but an emotional one. I just read this quote from a Disney movie (at bottom of this posting) I just watched recently with some of my nephews that really struck me, probably more than it will for anyone else or at any other time in my life. I know that Heavenly Father is mindful of me and where I am at in my life, and is placing understanding line upon line for me as I am ready to receive it. I am grateful for that...that in spite of my poor vision, a patient, loving Father is there to show me what I cannot see on my own.


"Around here, however, we don't
look backwards for very long.
We keep moving forward,
opening up new doors
and doing new things
because we are curious...

and curiosity keeps leading
us down new paths."

WE KEEP MOVING FORWARD

-Walt Disney

The reason I have decided to start this blog is because of some powerful words given by two men, called by God.
It this last General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, President Eyring of the First Presidency spoke on 'remembering'. He has given many moving addresses on this topic that have impacted my life. This one proved to be just as powerful. President Eyring posed the question that is the title of this blog to all of us. He contiues to expound of the purpose of such a question by saying "My point is to urge you to find ways to recognize and remember God’s kindness. It will build our testimonies. You may not keep a journal. You may not share whatever record you keep with those you love and serve. But you and they will be blessed as you remember what the Lord has done. You remember that song we sometimes sing: “Count your many blessings; name them one by one, And it will surprise you what the Lord has done.”
It won’t be easy to remember. Living as we do with a veil over our eyes, we cannot remember what it was like to be with our Heavenly Father and His Beloved Son, Jesus Christ, in the premortal world; nor can we see with our physical eyes or with reason alone the hand of God in our lives. Seeing such things takes the Holy Ghost. And it is not easy to be worthy of the Holy Ghost’s companionship in a wicked world.
That is why forgetting God has been such a persistent problem among His children since the world began. Think of the times of Moses, when God provided manna and in miraculous and visible ways led and protected His children. Still, the prophet warned the people who had been so blessed, as prophets always have warned and always will: “Take heed to thyself, and keep thy soul diligently, lest thou forget the things which thine eyes have seen, and lest they depart from thy heart all the days of thy life.”
And the challenge to remember has always been the hardest for those who are blessed abundantly. Those who are faithful to God are protected and prospered. That comes as the result of serving God and keeping His commandments. But with those blessings comes the temptation to forget their source. It is easy to begin to feel the blessings were granted not by a loving God on whom we depend but by our own powers." http://lds.org/conference/talk/display/0,5232,23-1-775-24,00.html

I also recently read a talk by Elder M. Russel Ballard where he encouraged us to use blogs and other forms of 'new media' to add to all the conversations that are out there about the church and to continue to fight against the sea of filth that is out there. http://www.lds.org/ldsnewsroom/eng/news-releases-stories/apostle-urges-students-to-use-new-media
So, this is my feeble attempt to follow the counsel of these great men. I have been keeping a log of how the Lord has blessed me, I will now just add it here in efforts to help the work that is going forth.

I read a poem recently that I really enjoyed by a new found poet to me, Li-Young Lee.

The Gift

To pull the metal splinter from my palm
my father recited a story in a low voice.
I watched his lovely face and not the blade.
Before the story ended, he'd removed
the iron sliver I thought I'd die from.

I can't remember the tale,
but hear his voice still, a well
of dark water, a prayer.
And I recall his hands,
two measures of tenderness
he laid against my face,
the flames of discipline
he raised above my head.

Had you entered that afternoon
you would have thought you saw a man
planting something in a boy's palm,
a silver tear, a tiny flame.
Had you followed that boy
you would have arrived here,
where I bend over my wife's right hand.

Look how I shave her thumbnail down
so carefully she feels no pain.
Watch as I lift the splinter out.
I was seven when my father
took my hand like this,
and I did not hold that shard
between my fingers and think,
Metal that will bury me,
christen it Little Assassin,
Ore Going Deep for My heart.
And I did not lift up my wound and cry,
Death visited here!
I did what a child does
when he's given something to keep.
I kiss my father.